Notes from the Under...stimulated

Seeing Double.

a sneaky-deak picture of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen at the premier of their movie New York Minute by the original Gawker Stalker herself, SR!

MARTHA STEWART GUILTY.

Her next recipe:
REVENGE - a dish best served cold

Last Post About Colin Firth, I Promise *cough* <--that wasn't an ironic "i'm not reallly promising cough" that was an actual, honest to goodness, itchy throat *COUGH! COUGHCOUGH!*

so, like apparently Colin Firth's hosting SNL this weekend. [link via Gothamist but, they had to use a head shot and not my, Ciao, we're in Roma! Why are you stalking me? pic]

Oh. My. God. OHMIGOD!

two things that aren't related at all except for the fact that they're both about members of my family and they're both sickly funny, albeit in different ways. so without further rambling ADOS...

OHMIGOD!
1. so, remember how we inadvertantly stalked Colin Firth in Rome and then on the way home from Rome? 'MEMBER? We saw him in a Piazza and on the plane and there were pictures...? well, after running into him so many times and drawing so much attention to ourselves whenever we were in the vicinty, we were all "whoa- isn't it weird that we're on colin firth's radar? like he'd *totally* recognize us if he ever saw us again; recognize us and then call the cops! hahaha!"

GUESS WHO MY FATHER SAT NEXT TO ON A PLANE FROM LONDON TO NYC THIS PAST FRIDAY. (tough one yeah? you'll never guess. should i tell you?? i'll wait a sec and let you think. [cue Jeopardy theme] dah-DUM DUM DUM.) Jude Law! heh. just kidding. i just wanted that to be true. COLIN FIRTH! my pa was all "hi. i'm not stalking you, i swear." and CF was all, "heh. yeah. riiight."

it's really a small world afterall.

2. totally unrelated and kind of gross in an OHMIGOD! kinda way: my mom couldn't sleep that well the whole time we were in Rome, even after she tried taking her sleeping pills. tuuuuuurns out, those weren't sleeping pills, mami! they were lefotrim (or something like that), a.k.a. ANTI-DIAHERREA PILLS. sleepless and constipated. pretty much hell. although, ambien does make her hallucinate, but that's a different story for a different day.

My Precious... Night's Sleep!
(other titles in contention for this post included:
I am Master and Commander of this Remote... Click, ahhhh
Why the New Zealand Dollar Might Get a Bid in the Market Monday
Learning to Sleep With Your Eyes Open
Something was Definitely Lost in Translation
What the Eastwoods Put in the Water: Clint Everlasting, and His Mom Too

the only thing more boring than a totally scripted award show? JC Penney ads. The only thing more boring than that? Thirty JC Penney ads.

Since nothing of note really happened, here's my brief recap, for those of you smarter than i who Turned Off the TV:
- bobcat goldthwaite. red carpet. how come? who cares, he's been in our apartment!
- ok, here we go: and the academy goes to Tim Robbins! yay! (hope springs eternal and i think maybe this could be a good show!)
- *snooooooooore*
- when did liv tyler become a weirdo, lopsided, animated librarian? (maybe she thought she was in a library and that's why she was whispering like that?)
- LOTR.
- LOTR.
- LOTR.
- LOTR.
- there's not even ain true reason to have music performances at the award show (although annie lennox did do a pretty good impersonation of crazy Aileen Wournos from Monster while she was singing, with her eyes bugging out like that.)
- i'd like to thank vincent d'onofrio too, well, just because.
- you're booooooooring!
- seriously: can't wait for the Sopranos! that's just an aside.
- charlize: stay away from the spray tanning machine. you're scaring me.
- wait. sofia coppola kinda acts like she's the 19 13 year old.
- keisha castle-hughes: the only kiwi to not get an oscar.

For Hollywood Misery, an Alter Ego Helps Carrie Fisher writes a new book.

i mean, i can understand her confusion...

do you think that, in addition, this title is an ironic reference to her role in the timeless classic "Drop Dead Fred" . No. I suppose not.

best line: Her father, a onetime celebrity now on medication, once swallowed his hearing aid, requiring his family to yell into his stomach to be heard.

is that how that works? really? maybe in the Galactic Empire... but...

on that note: Quotes From Either President of the United States George W. Bush or Senator/Chancellor/Emperor Palpatine From the Star Wars Movies [McSweeneys]

GRAMMYS=PASS.

the only bit i did see was the White Stripes performance. i dunno if it's cool or not cool or if i care if it's cool or not cool but i like them. what i don't like? the freaking awful camera work on the Grammys. like i needed one more reason NOT to watch this award show (and you know it's gotta be bad if i'm not going to watch it). they were either shooting from like across the street, through the underpass, make a right at the gas station, and set up camera 5 on the roof of the 7-eleven, or they were doing these jarring cuts from meg white (only on her for like a second) back to JW's face and then trying to get all the viewers to have a stroke with a very illconceived straight into the lens and right to the source of your neuron firer-thingies lights show. the band was so back lit, you could hardly see anything, and for a second there i actually thought i might have been blinded. and then i turned the tv off. like i said, grammys = pass. i'm gonna fight 'em off. a seven nation army couldn't make me watch that.

JAIME GLEICHER UPDATE:

someone kindly posted an [out of date, yet nonetheless entertaining] link in the comments to Jaime Gleicher's "live journal." normally i'd leave well enough alone, but, for some reason, I CAN'T. plus it gives some insight into her life pre-MTV.
here's an excerpt detailing their meeting with people about the show:

Ally and I flipped out. Started crying. We are so incredible. Sorry, im not being humble here. When you put Ally and I together...we have the most incredible sense of communication. We are the SAME PERSON, and we are so fucking intelligent. This idea of ours- is SICK. Everyone keeps telling us that we are the new Ben and Matt.

heh. i might regret this, i can tell.

She looks like I... NEVER want to Feel

hee, hee, BWAH, eek! this is one of those *laugh laugh laugh run away in fear* type pictures.

as they say on Gothamist (where i snarked this from) when WE show up for court on drug charges, we normally try and avoid looking like we're abusing them at the time. I wonder if they postponed her hearing so she could hit the methadone clinic on her way to pick her child up from day care.

The Passion of The Blah Blah Blah
OK. so Mel Gibson is a crazy. we allllll know that now. he doesn't recognize the changes of Vatican II and takes a very non literal book (ahem, The Bible) very literally. what i want to know is why everyone's playing right into his traditionalist little hands and giving him the press he so desperately wants/needs. can't we all just agree to ignore him, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE??

barring that, it's amazing what a new soundtrack can do to a promotional trailer: Kill Christ, Vol. I (by Mel Tarantino)

(heh. although light-ning strikes HE again and again and again...)